My ALL ACCESS PASS TO TRANSFORMERS!

I purposely did not read any reviews or comic adaptations beforehand so I could more accurately judge the merits of the film.  That said –DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS- START READING THE NEXT PARAGRAPH DOWN– Any of the fans who read all the material around the film could easily name off all the Transformer characters in the film but any regular moviegoer would no doubt be overwhelmed by the shear number of robots.  If you count the little ‘spit’ robots that Ravage drooled then there were easily 100 or more Transformers characters.  That said, there were ten Transformers characters I would describe as memorable- who had enough screen time where I could remember their names so in order of importance they are- Optimus, Bumblebee, Jetfire, Megatron, Starscream, the Fallen (or Mr. Fallen or James Fallon?), Skids, Mudflap, Soundwave and Devastator.  See, I’m not mentioning Arcee, Ravage or a whole bunch others who spead across the screen with no real significance. For me Jetfire really stole the show. As a gigantic old backfiring relic he was definitely memorable.  I enjoyed ever moment he was on screen. When he ripped out his spark to merge with Optimus.  Optimus definitely had more screen time and more significance in this film, as they explored the legacy of the Primes.  As far as the twins, Skids and Mudflap, I’m not a huge fan.  They certainly got plenty of screen time where they served as the comic relief of the film.  The film felt long simply because it was- two hours fifteen minutes- and every moment jam packed.  I felt like I needed to leave the theater for a breath of air- partly because our theater was so hot but also because it was so intense.  Oh, as far as the humans…it was a nice story about a boy leaving home, going off to college and making out with some kinky femmebot, and becoming a man…or something like that.  I was more focused on Megan Fox and the very ample scenes of her running in slow motion.  Very nice!  The film is extremely dense- definitely enough material for a second, third, or twentieth viewing. Okay, I’ll end my review there.  A million more things I could say about the film both pro and con but you’re going to see the film so judge for yourself.

OKAY, START READING AGAIN HERE TO SKIP THE SPOILERS!!  So after the film, I went on a quest to find a way into the Transformers premiere party…and to find one of those cool Transformers popcorn buckets.  Did we ever!  It was a night full of adventure, horrific misfortune but a happy ending.  I was determined to have a good time after being stuck in the AMC sauna and the Paramount party seemed like the best bet for Transformers fun.  Unfortunately we had no way in.  The Linkin Park concert (which was only 25 minutes) was completely over and it seemed like we were out of luck.  The party was still going strong but we had no way in.  Fortunately Steve and I had passes to the indoor film festival party down the street so we went to drown our sorrows in free drinks and artsy activities.  There was a painting area where partygoers could paint on each other’s canvases, magnetic words that could be jumbled together to spell out deep thoughts or profanity on the wall and a projection screen that created shimmers around our shadows as we did kung-fu moves.  Really an artsy and very cool party. So way to go LA Film Fest. But I was not satisfied. After the party closed and we were kicked to the curb.  With ample liquid courage flowing in our veins we took to the Paramount Transformers party looking to score! And score we did! We went dumpster diving (but with great dignity and class).  First Steve found his Transformers wristband, then both of us got our ‘All Areas’ badges.  We strode into the party with ease.  Awesome! Got our pictures in front of Bumblebee, more drinks, Transformers M&M’s. And by then the party started winding down so we figured it would be alright to adorn ourselves in some of the Transformers Autobot and Decepticon wall insignias.  We left the party totally stylin’. But the story doesn’t end there as we passed the Westwood Village theater I noticed the Transformers popcorn buckets littering the floor.  One man’s garbage is another’s treasure. After much urgent tapping on the door, a theater employee gathered up all the buckets and presented them to us. Total score! Okay, but then the story goes a bit downhill.  We got back to the parking garage to discover that it closed at midnight! What was worse was that I didn’t even have my car keys- they were still at the movie theater which was now locked tight as well! We were stuck! 

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